Why I returned to film photography for my portraits
I’ve been a professional commercial photographer for over a decade now, but I started out as a portrait photographer. I used to post a request on facebook or twitter to find some one who was willing to pose for me, so I could sharpen my skills. I made no restrictions: small, big, ugly, beautiful, girl, boy, young or old… it made no difference to me. As a photographer you must be able to make either a beautiful, interesting or personal portrait of just about anybody.
Fast Forward 15 years, my career has headed and still is heading forward to my ultimate dream: being a photographer and director. It has been an interesting road so far but no highs without lows. And when you keep your eyes on the horizon you are always moving towards your goal. I love commercial projects and working with a team on a commercial photo or TV ad. But lately I’ve felt that there was something missing, there was a gap growing in my satisfaction, … . And maybe that feeling has been growing slowly over the last two years. After some very necessary introspection on all aspects of my life, I concluded two things concerning my Photographer & Directors life: First of all I absolutely adore my job, I love working in team, working together towards a great result: from the first meeting untill we present the final result to the client! The second conclusion whoever was that in that process I lost a bit of myself. Doing commercial shoots are always a compromise between what I, the agency and the clients want. I miss a little bit of the simplicity and intimacy when doing portraits, the one-on-one interaction. The slow build up of trust between your subject and me, the photographer! So after some consideration I carefully posted a facebook post reffering to my early days of portrait photography and if there were any interst in. I was stunned and even emotional about the the massive response to that post: (Dutch post translated via Google Translate)
It’s time to pick up an old habit. About 14 years ago when I just started taking pictures, I regularly asked if anyone wanted to have a portrait taken. That was mainly to learn how to make an interesting or fun portrait and create a routine of everyone under any circumstances at any location, … That’s how I learned to photograph myself and that only goes with “trial and error” my case. In addition to a lot of nice portraits and year-old profile photos that are still being used for one reason or another, I especially remembered how much fun it was to talk to characters or strangers in the most diverse places and to shoot statues in the meantime. The habit of taking time for the things that make me happy is coming up again. People and chat, swans or I go deeper into a subject, nice beautiful places, challenges and I am especially excited about taking portraits. And the combination of those things, that is something I would like to make time for again. So this way an open call for everyone who wants to stand in front of my portrait lens again. You determine the place and if we find a compromise in our naturally busy schedules, then I will end up with my camera and my best mood.
This got me even more motivated, I made a list of everybody who responded via facebook, twitter and direct messaging. I ended up with a very diverse list of 180 people of who I can contact whenever I feel like making a portrait.
Since this is a personal project I never ask money, for one simple reason: if you pay me, I have to do what you like. I just want to do what I like. And that’s where I draw the line. If I ask you and you let me do my thing, it’s free. If you ask me and tell me how you want it, you pay for it.
Even before I posted this on facebook, I had already decided that all those portraits would be done on black&white and on film. Switching back to analog photography wasn’t because there is a trend on turning back to film photography. I’m not switching because I would have direct instagram-like filters on my photos, not because of the film would add a vintage, arty look to the photos. No, I switched for a whole other reason:
I switched because I didn’t wanted to focus on the result while in a portrait session. I wanted to be in the moment with my subject. Not looking to the digital screen and reviewing every aspect in retrospect. I didn’t want that my curious subject would instant review the photos and comment on their self image, in stead of the whole photo: “I don’t like my hair, like that”, “that’s my bad side”, “Huh, is that me?”, … People have a way of looking to themselves that does not necessarily is in line with reality. The look at their self image, on how they perceive themselves, not their actual appearance. Hence the popular selfie culture. It took me quit a while before I figured that out. When I started portrait photography, I got really demotivated after a couple of years. Positive feedback on portraits from the subject was rare. When they received great feedback after they or I posted them on social media then only their mind changed and were they enthusiastic as well. That’s were I learned that most feedback from the subjects is better to be ignored (there are exceptions) and just do my thing. Portrait photography is a very subjective. It’s documenting on how I perceive my subjects, that can be very close to their actual being or far away.
And in order to get as close to them as possible I only ask two things from my subjects: Time and Location. A location that means something to them, where they feel at home, often turn to relax or has specific memories. I rarely go to someone’s home, that puts me in a disadvantage. They feel comfortable and I have to struggle to break that blanket of comfort and get a view into the soul or identity behind the mask.
Time, that they make enough time available to talk, walk, discover that location and during that brief period they try to open themselves to me so I get an peek into their head. To form an image of their personality and portray accordingly.
Being a portrait photographer requires a lot of people skills and empathy. You have to feel whether your subject is comfortable, honest, ready for opening up a bit further or when their limit is reached. Portrait photography is documenting someone’s identity and that requires subtile observations of your subject. It took me more then 10 years to discover and learn that. I always say that, now after 15 years of photography, I have the feeling my career is just about to start. Now I’ve sort of mastered both the technical and personal skills to be a good photographer/director. And you keep learning.
Another reason for switching to film cameras is the fact that not only my subject wants to review the images but also me. Since digital photography, we build photos step by step reviewing every aspect, take another shot and see if it pleases us now. There is nothing wrong with that but I wanted to turn op my game and aim high. Not being able to review my shot forces me to review every aspect of the frame before I push the button. That also slows the process down and makes you more aware of the moment. I like that.
The choice for Black & White is because I want to learn and see the light better, work with contrast, … I’ve come to learn that black and white photography is a total different school of photography. It neutralises colours and emphasises contrasts.
That leads me to my choice of cameras. I used to own 2 Leica M7’s and a Hasselblad 203 series, but back then I wasn’t that ready for film photography, did it for the wrong reasons and I wasn’t patient enough. So I sold them. Now I really regret that decision, but hey, life goes on.
Now I was looking for a masterpiece of a camera to make static portraits. There was only one way to go: a hasselblad, and after some talks with my local secondhand camera store, I laid my hands on Hasselblad 501 CM. It’s just a box, a perfect and exceptional piece of machinery, but nonetheless a box: no light meter, no autofocus, no nothing, … just precise mechanics. That would be perfect for my slow portrait sessions, it would force me to slow down. Measure the light manually, manual focus, frame trough that massive viewfinder… now after so many sessions I know I made the right choice.
Next to the Hasselblad I wanted something a bit more agile and versatile, to be able to capture some in-between moments. After carefully reading and searching my eyes fell on the Konica Hexar RF. A Leica spinoff with rangefinder, built in light meter, AEL lock and aperture priority. That would be the perfect 35mm companion for the Hasselblad.
I’ve been doing a lot of analog portraits lately. Whenever I can I contact someone from my list and go and do my thing. It was almost back to square one in the beginning. Every habit that I had using my digital cameras was useless here. I had to develop a whole new routine and building routines with film takes time. Learning from you mistakes takes days, because you only see your mistakes when you scan the results days after the shoot. And then it takes to your next shoot to apply your learnings and another few days to see if it paid of…
I don’t do the development of the film myself. I also have a busy work life, personal life and a family. I had to draw the line somewhere. I bring the films to a local lab and pick the negatives up a few days later for 12 euros per film.
I do scan the negatives myself and there I learnt that this was also an important part of the process to be done. I try to get all my developments out of the scanner and not in Lightroom or Capture one. Only in rare occasions I do some extra processing in Lightroom. Mostly adding a bit more contrast or blacks and cutting of the filmstrips. It takes me about 5 to 9 hours to scan. When I do a portrait session I shoot one 120 film on the Hasselblad and one 35mm, that leaves me with 48 photos. That’s way less then I used to do with a digital camera, about 500 less…
Out of those 48 photos, I make a best off selection of 4 to 8 and give them to my subject. I mostly write a very personal text along with that selection.
Besides the extra skills I gain with doing the analog portraits the thing that makes me the happiest is that I refound the pure joy of complex-less photography again and that was what it was all about in the beginning. When I get back from a analog portrat session, I’m energised, happy and eager to work on and see the results. It’s a process of days. Not seconds.
You can follow my sessions on my website under the tag analog:
